


Dead Space: Cast in Shadows

by Nevara_Alyss



Category: Dead Space
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, First Time, Horror, POV First Person, Psychological Horror, Psychological Warfare, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-16 21:18:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevara_Alyss/pseuds/Nevara_Alyss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A survivor of the Ishimura follows Isaac, unable to say anything but willing to help behind the scenes. Someone needed to survive to tell the story. She was going to make sure it was him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of my earlier stories. I'm going through and changing the tense still, but it is otherwise complete.

Screams reverberated off the metal walls of the USG Ishimura. The sounds of tearing flesh and strewn garments filled the corridors and wreaked the area with their pungent aromas from floor to ceiling. Mom, Dad, dead. We were lucky enough to be assigned in the same place for once.

"It's the trip of a lifetime," they told me before they left for deep space.

"Trip of a lifetime, ha!" I muttered to myself.

My throat burned from restrained tears. The urge to scream was not far off. That was a lifetime ago, though. Three hours of hell and I've survived this long. It was shocking; even to me. Communications were down. The bridge had been cut off from the rest of the ship, but there were still people moving around. At least I had hoped they were people. If there were survivors I couldn't say at that point. In the very far distance I can hear gunfire. It was intermittent but still there.

_Should I stay or should I go?_

I was not a fighter. The security forces must have been looking for others. Hopefully they would get to me before another one of those monsters found me. I don't know if I can keep up with this. My luck would finally run out when I needed it most. The scampering noises I heard from above didn't help the situation much, but I was so petrified with fear and anguish. Terror didn't sum up what's going on in my head at this moment.

I looked at the faces of my parents. Morphed and contorted. Those were not my parents. I didn't know how long they hadn't been. These things with their jagged teeth and scythe-like claws replaced what I knew of them.

"Oh fuck! What if I've lost it? What if it's me that murdered them in a fit of insanity?" The words trickled out with little doubt.

The room was in shambles. The walls were painted in blood and its rotting putrescent smell was inescapable. No matter how I inhaled it was there invading my senses. My body was racked with an insurmountable amount of pain as I slowly edged my way from the corner. My hands were coated in blood. Was it mine or theirs or a mixture of the two? I examined my jumpsuit. My blood smeared name tag barely showed my name.

_Ondrea Markum._

Ondrea Markum was dead. She had to be. I felt for holes in my body and begged the powers that be that I came out of my attack unscathed. It was then that I noticed the puncture wound in my shoulder. I had been in fact injured; the only thing that kept me unaware was the surge of adrenaline surging through my veins.

I don't remember how I fought or how I managed to get away, but here I sat, frantically trying to control myself from placing the gun to my head to end it all.

XXXXX

_"Ondrea, we need you to repair some couplings down on the flight deck." Beckett said, as he read off the roster for the daily maintenance. "After that you'll need to repair some of the interfaces in flight control."_

_It was a pretty standard day, if you'd have asked me. Being one of the only female engineers on the Ishimura was pretty interesting. The day crew was comprised of six men plus myself and made for interesting banter in the lounge after out shift had ended. There was a lot of competition between us, but it broke up the monotony of the work. I was a second in command, but still an underling compared to the other officers._

_As roll call finished, we exited the room and parted ways. Today we were cracking the planet and everything had to be running just so. The tasks seemed simple enough. It would take me a good part of the day, but it was always implied that I got the more difficult tasks because of my scores and not my gender._

_As I walked down the hallway I bump into familiar faces. Some cheerful, others less so, more distressed or they anticipated something. Probably popping the cork, I thought to myself. It was always a stressful time in the interim. The Unitologists were muttering about some relic pulled from the surface hours ago. I wasn't concerned, I didn't believe in that nonsense. The concept of transcendence and living forever was laughable. Heh. What a joke._

_Others spoke of a "wrath of God" situation happening down on the colony below us. People were dying; violence was at an all-time high. Again, it didn't concern me. As long as it wasn't up here then I had nothing to worry about._

XXXXX

_Famous last words now that I think about it._

Maybe they should have heeded the warning better. My shoulder continued to throb. The shock and nausea that appeared when the adrenaline dipped back to normal made my insides turn in knots. I tried to keep it together. Just for the sake of survival, for the sake of my own sanity. I grabbed my cigarettes from my pocket and lit one. It was something, anything to stave off the urge to puke; something to take my mind off the incessant whispering in my head.

_Make us whole..._

"Fuck making us whole!" I yelped. I looked around to see if out my outburst had been noticed.

I wanted to put a fucking hole in my head just to make it stop. It was subtle, but I could feel it; like a tingling at the back of my skull. I took a drag off of my cigarette and flicked it at the corpses laying just feet from me.

"You need to move," Mom's voice cut through the voices on loop.

"I can't," I muttered.

"You have to," Mom's voice became more insistent.

"What am I supposed to do? I can't go anywhere," I grumbled.

I'd given up; resigned myself to death.

"You need to make it to the flight deck," she said.

"And do what?" I ask.

There's nothing no response. Just the sounds and whispers again.

I glanced around the room one last time and stood, dusting off the fine lint from my flight suit. The windows were shattered out of my once quaint domicile. The thought of crossing the ship to get to the flight deck was a joke. It was a suicide run at best.

"I thought you were stronger than that," Beckett's snarky tone made me jump.

"Fuck you, Chris," I remarked.

"Is that the best you can come up with?" He retorted. His jabs fell on deaf ears. "It's not that bad."

"Which part? Getting impaled, brain fucked, or losing my mind?" I asked caustically.

"Take your pick," Chris snorted.

"I don't have time for this."

"Then go," he whispered. I knew he wasn't there, but his voice and stale breath hit my ear as if he was. "Make us whole."

That damn phrase again. Insistent, annoying and droning. It was like dealing with that obnoxious doctor earlier.

XXXXX

_The cold sterility of the medlab was blindingly bright. I sat on a gurney, my hand draped in gauze, waiting for the doctor to come in. The blood slowly dripped from my wound, splattering on the floor and splashing tiny sprinkles on the deck. I could see the small trail leading from the door to where I was. It wasn't that bad, just an accidental gash with a tool._

_The lights flickered once and the room went black._

_My head throbbed and ached but the pitch dark incredible. The lights returned and I reeled at the shocking pain that pierced my skull. I shut my eyes tight, and hoped that my shift would hurry up and end so I could rest again in solemn confines of darkness._

_"So what happened here?" A female in a cheery voice asked._

_"What's it look like? I cut myself," I answered without opening my eyes._

_"Let me take a look," she responded without skipping a beat._

_She lifted my hand and pulled away the gauze. She paused and sighed._

_"How'd that happen?"_

_"I was working and my hand slipped across the blade," I answered. "It's not that bad really."_

_I opened my eyes and watched her shake her head at me._

_"You're going to need something to stop the bleeding," she remarked. Her cool and calm demeanor reminded me of my mother from when I was a child._

_She pulled up a tray and stool and sat down in front of me. She slowly wiped away the blood with a noxious astringent. The tingling and burning made me bite my lower lip._

_"So, you're new here. How do you like it?" she asked._

_She picked up a new piece of gauze and continued cleaning._

_"It's interesting, I'll give it that much."_

_"You're an engineer?" she questioned. "There aren't many female engineers here." Her attempts at small talk were grating my nerves, but whatever got her to finish up and let me get back to my job, I was willing to acquiesce and answer. Anything to take the pain from my head. She looked at me for a moment and then at the needle on the tray. "I need to give you lidocaine for the sutures."_

_"Just stitch me up. I don't need to be poked more than necessary," I spat._

XXXXX

Reports were scattered about hostiles on board and the utter insanity that was taking over the crew. The medlab was one of the first places to fall. Communication was scant at best. A lot of static and buzzing broken up by "shoot them in the limbs". It was an absurd declaration to be made over the system, but with visuals down worse than audio, I was lucky enough to get that out before being attacked myself.

I rubbed my shoulder, the blood oozed from the wound seeped into the bandage in my hand. I poked my head outside. There was no noise. No screaming, no gunfire, no hissing and slithering through the ducts. The entire area was an eerie scenario filled with horrific silence.

"Ishimura... Kellion... respond," the crackled voice called over the comm and shattered the dead air. I had completely forgotten that I had tuned in my radio to the receiver for testing.

"Yes we're here," I harshly whispered into the radio. I dialed the volume down to keep from attracting more undesirable attention. The message repeated once then twice.

They couldn't hear me. I had to go to the flight deck. I had to tell them to leave. Flee. There was nothing for them here. I grabbed my pistol and opened the door. I slowly stuck my head out of the broken portal and looked down both ends of the corridor. Nothing. A warning klaxon blared in the distance but it was coming from the opposite direction that I intended to go in.

"Bye Mom and Dad, I'll be back later." I told them as if it were anything but routine.

_Talking to corpses._

Maybe I was more insane than I thought I was. I took my first steps out and stopped. I thought I heard something. Whispering? Scrapping on metal? I needed to escape with as little noise as possible. I had limited bullets and limited time. Even if I didn't have the option of saving myself from this hell, I would make sure that they didn't enter it either.

A jolt of pain wrapped around my brain. The shrieking and wailing slammed to the front of my mind.

_Make us whole... Make us whole..._

I fell to my knees, overcome with pain. My mind was dizzy with agony that overshadowed the violent pulsating in my shoulder. A cold breeze hit my back and I quickly turned around. I noticed the cold sliding down the side of my back. I couldn't worry about it now. I'd have find a first aid kit when I got to the flight deck.


	2. Of Flesh and Blood

Nothing made sense anymore. My mind wasn't my own. It had been invaded by whatever nastiness had decided to dwell in it. Maybe the unitologists were right. Those that sinned would pay for it in the end. I did not envy them, though. They were willingly the first to go. On bended knee they vowed themselves to the creatures one by one. Still they screamed and bled and fell. Their metamorphoses complete as they turned into the lumbering constructs that screeched and terrorized the hallways.

As I ran though the hallways, I can see nary a one of them once the transformation is complete. They would scurry away to some clandestine destination and then I was alone again. I back tracked through the concourses towards the flight deck; when it dawned on me: they have paid me no mind since I ran. Others had fallen before me with whole packs of them devouring them.

I rounded a corner near the last tram station and stopped. I checked my pulse; it was still pumping as strongly as ever. I breathed a sigh of relief and sat on my heels. Hidden in the darkest shadows, I tried to catch my breath. It wasn't too much farther.

_If I could just close the bay doors, they won't be able to get in. They'll have to leave us adrift._

"That's not the plan," the annoying voice chimed in from the darkness beside me.

"It's going to have to do," I muttered, as I began to peel the gauze from my hand.

"Ondrea?" Beckett's voice joined the fold.

They were all disembodied voice floating around in my head.

"What Chris?"

I shouldn't have provoked them into a conversation.

"You need to help," Beckett answered.

"No, I need to make sure no one else goes through this."

"Help him then," the annoying voice continued.

"Nicole's correct," Chris agreed.

I closed my eyes and hoped that the throbbing, which had continued to grow worse would at least ebb a little so I could do what I wanted. My one last task. The pain subsided abruptly and I open my eyes. There they stood in front of me: that annoying little blond medical officer and Beckett. Each one's eyes black as coal as they stared at me.

_Now I know I'm losing it. I saw you die, Chris._

"We need you," Nicole explained.

"You're dead, too, I take it?"

She said nothing, just stared blankly at me. It was chilling to see those eyes looking down on me.

"Help him," Nicole repeated. If she was dead, she was just as annoying as when she was alive.

"Help who? Do what?" I screamed. The frustration was building in me so much that I jumped up ready to lunge at them. "If this is such an important task: why can't I fucking do it? Why does anyone else have to be involved?"

"It is not the path you are to take," Chris answered in a monotone voice.

"You will know who and what when it is time," Nicole acknowledged. "Calm yourself. You are doing something very important."

"And what's that?"

"Making us whole," the pair said in unison.

I stormed up to them and stared them both down. My jaw clenched in ire of that damn phrase. How many more times did it have to be drilled into me? I didn't want to do it. I didn't want any part in their little plan.

"Yeah, well go fuck yourselves."

I turned from them, disgusted by the sheer idea of allowing some unbeknownst passerby find their way here just to be torn limb from limb, and lit a cigarette. When I glanced back to say something to them again, they were gone and I was alone again.

"Fuck," I muttered. "Can my day get any worse?"

"Quarantine procedures have been activated. Contaminants loose on levels 1A, 1B. Hull damage on…" The computer system chimed on, rambling off the various sections of the ship.

"Damn it!" I yelled, as I threw my cigarette to the deck and sprinted towards flight control on the flight deck. I slid through doors before they slammed shut and the control console went dead. I could only hope that it would keep them out and the damage that had already been done wouldn't befall them as well.

I ran up the stairs and opened the door. I was greeted to a single corpse sitting at the controls. I walked over to him and examined the wounds that appeared to be self-inflicted. The only thing that appeared to be strange evidence was the cryptic writings that were all over the walls. I shoved the man out of the way and sat at the control panel.

"They're here," Chris remarked from beside me.

"Just in time," Nicole stated with a smirk.

Their voices seemed to revel in the danger that these people had no idea about.

I tapped on the control panel and tried to close the doors to the hanger, but I couldn't. Error messages popped up and alarms start to blare in ear piercing shrieks.

"You can't save them from what awaits them," Chris said with sadistic glee.

"Let them go!" I yelled. "I'll do it!"

"No!" Nicole snapped.

"Then I'll just have to warn them myself," I scoffed. My determination didn't wane. The pain didn't either. I jumped from my seat to meet the group, took two steps, and collapsed to my hands and knees. I gasped; the pressure was so intense I could hardly breathe. It radiated through my body in paralyzing waves. I fell to my stomach and felt Chris' boot roll me on to my back. The ceiling swirled above me and I couldn't look at a fixed point for too long. "What are you doing?" I choked out with labored breath.

"Making sure you don't interfere with what has to be done," Nicole answered.

A faint smile crept across her face. The bitch was actually enjoying this. She leaned over me and stared. Her black eyes peered right through me and into my soul. Chris stood over me and watched. His own amusement could be felt.

"Impact imminent," the computer warned.

"Please…" I moaned. The pain and screeching in my head grew in intensity. "Just kill me then."

"This is not the end of your story," Chris stated as he stooped down and brushed my hair from my face. I could actually feel it: the icy cold flesh caressing my forehead. He stopped and the evil maniacal grin that once was there was replaced by a look of caring. "You know I always liked you."

"It's an odd time to be bringing that up."

"I know," he cooed. I felt vulnerable as he looked down on me and I was powerless to move. "You were always a very odd sort. You never quite fit in. That's what I liked about you."

Nicole grumbled to herself about our interaction. Her arms were crossed and her face was lifeless and rigid as if rigor mordis had set in. She rose and walked towards the window and stared for what seemed like an eternity. She turned back to the two of us; her features were less hard than they were before. "They're exiting the ship."

"Please, Drea," Chris begged.

I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Not her, however, that cold-hearted bitch could rot for all I care.

"If it'll give you peace," I sighed, finally giving in to his pleas. As soon as I had agreed to aid their cause, the pain subsided and the feeling of control returned. I sat up quickly, becoming dizzy and gasping for air. I slowly rose to my feet and looked at Chris. His once black eyes took on the natural azure that he had in life. "What do you need me to do?"

"Come here," Nicole beckoned me to the window and pointed. I stood up beside her and saw the crew of the small craft start towards the door. In the rear stood a man looking around and then began to follow of them towards the flight lounge. "Him."

"Him?" I queried. I'm confused by the man. "What about him?"

"He's the one," Chris answered softly in my ear.

"What do you need me to do?"

The duo grew silent and looked at each other and back at me. I felt their dead eyes looking me over. I bit my lip as my comfort level dipped to depths I never thought possible.

"Keep him alive," Nicole finally answered.

"Whatever you do, you cannot be seen," Chris stated rapidly as if to make it a dire requirement to keeping this stranger alive.

"What happens if I am?" I asked. My breath hitched as my heart began to feel as if it was being crushed by an invisible weight.

They didn't answer. Whether they really had the answers themselves or not, the looks they shot at me fill me with dread. I nodded with acceptance and rubbed the sweat from my forehead. An exaggerated sigh escaped me as I sat down in the chair and began to clip my hair back. I glanced at the two of them and shook my head. Contemplating what I should do and what was actually feasible were two very different beasts.

"We'll help you however we can," Chris mumbled as if he not wanting to alert Nicole to his admittance. He looked me over one last time and frowned.

"What?"

I was unsure of why there was a change in expression or demeanor.

"You should take care of yourself," he responded before walking towards the door.

Nicole knelt beside me. Her eyes were a normal humanoid color now that shimmered slightly when she tugged on my jacket urging me to remove it so she could inspect the obvious hole in my shoulder. I obliged her in an attempt to not to make her angry again. I unbuttoned my jacket with shaky hands and pulled it off. She eyed the deep puncture in my shoulder and spun me around to see the other side without any warning. She touched it gently and I reeled in pain. She looked to Chris who had stopped at the door to see what was unfolding.

"It's a through and through," she stated.

"And? What am I supposed to do about it?"

"Get a first aid kit and wrap it. When you get back to the medlab disinfect it and cauterize it," she answered. She stood up and nodded to Chris and began to follow him to the door. "You need to leave him a message. The bigger the better. The necromorphs will be here soon for them. If he doesn't know what to do, they will kill him. When you complete that task, get over to security and hack the computer there. You should be relatively safe there. Use it to watch and help when needed. The cameras will be out in most of the places, but I'm sure you'll find a way around that."

"Communications will be up when you get there so you can listen in," Chris continued. "Upload it to your RIG and we'll do the rest.

"I got it."

"Just don't be seen at any cost," he repeats with more insistence.

"How am I supposed to get over to him without being seen and leave him a message?"

For all their knowledge they couldn't explain it. They themselves had no idea what to do. They looked at each other as if they were conversing between themselves. After several minutes, they looked towards me and crept closer as if they were stalking a wounded prey. I took a couple steps back and bumped the console behind me. I closed my eyes and awaited the doom that seemed to electrify the air as their looks became sinister.

XXXXX

Time passed and nothing happened. I could no longer hear their footsteps. _Maybe they left._ I waited a couple more seconds before opening my eyes and I started shivering. I breathed in and the air was different now. Ionized and tinted with the pungent smell of iron. I opened my eyes slowly and realized that I was no longer in flight control. I had been standing in the middle of a small room not far from tram maintenance.

"What the hell am I doing here?" I asked out loud to the nothingness.

I waited for a response but never received one. I heard yelling and screaming up above me and through the locked door in front of me. The faint buzzing of flies by a nearby corpse drew my attention from the shadowy corners and I slowly walked towards it.

The man that leaned against the console was nothing but a former shadow of himself. The man was eviscerated. Half of his skin had been ripped away and blood still spilled down the console. I could hear the elevator doors above me close. I smeared my hands in his blood, profusely apologizing all the while as I write my message to the man that was arriving. _"CUT OFF THEIR LIMBS"_ , I rapidly spelled out. The last bit of knowledge I had gained before everything went dead. I picked up the plasma cutter from beside Anderson, now a former engineer from the night crew, and placed it on the console.

The sound of the lift getting closer told me that I was out of time. I lifted off the ventilation panel and slid inside the duct. It was a really stupid thing to do, knowing all too well that they loved to travel through the ducts. I was out of options. I couldn't be seen. As I replaced the grate over the gaping hole in the wall, the elevator doors opened and out walked the supposed savior. Covered from head to toe in engineering gear, I watched him stop and look around. His face was obscured by the helmet he was wearing.

His breathing was rapid and I could tell that he was scared. Whatever happened up there wasn't good. He looked around the room and caught sight of the writing on the wall. He walked towards it; towards me and I held my breath as I tried to be as invisible as possible.

"What the fuck is this?" he asked as if he knew I was there. He grabbed the cutter and started for the locked door. As he made his way to the bottom of the steps he paused and slowly turned in my direction. I though he could see me. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. Not if it meant his life or mine


	3. Time In Between

As I slid out of the duct and on to the platform to medical, the subtle whispers of people nearby greeted me. I was relieved to find others that had survived this hell doing so well. They were near frantic but hadn't noticed that I'd been standing there but for a few fleeting moments. I could only watch them briefly; their movements were suspicious on the cusp of becoming dangerous, before they noticed I was there.

"Get away!" the man screamed as he pointed a kinesis module at me.

I threw my hands up; stunned by the predicament I had now found myself in. The woman cowered behind him, shivering along with him in terror.

"I'm unarmed," I lied. The butt of the gun prodded me in the back. I took a small step toward them and calmly motioned with my hands for him to lower the device. "I'm a survivor; just like you."

"How can we believe you?" the woman squealed nearing hysterics. "You could be tainted by those monsters!"

I let out a soft chuckle and shook my head. It wasn't the first time the idea of infection had crossed my mind. I looked down at my bloodied jumpsuit and knew that the wound was opened and draining fluid down the side of my body. So the thought was definitely there in the back of my mind, but right now, my main concern was diffusing the situation without casualties.

"I'm not. I'm not," I assured them softly. "Please, put the module down. You don't want to do anything stupid."

The man glanced down at the woman, unsure if he could believe me. I could only wait patiently to see what they had decided. They were whispering between themselves when a sudden jolt of pain shot through my skull. I leaned over, my hand bracing my upper body up with my knee. Whispers in insidious tongues spouted cryptic messages at me. They repeated themselves in a loop. I didn't know what to make of it. My muscles clenched in a painful spasm. I tried to stagger back from them, but I couldn't. My legs refused to move. Without control or thought my hand gripped the pistol from behind my back and fired, hitting the man in the head. His eyes bulged in his skull. The complete look of surprise was on his face as he fell to the ground with a thud.

_Why am I doing this?_

_"You're not supposed to be seen! This is the price that must be paid!"_ Nicole's voice whispered in my ears.

The woman shrieked as I started my uncontrolled approach. I could only stare at her, emotionless and unfeeling. My eyes shot over to the corpse and proceeded to stomp mercilessly on it. The sound of his ribs crunching under my boot was sickening and only grew worse the softer his torso became. I glimpsed my reflection in the partition, the face back wasn't mine. Blonde hair, black eyes and a sadistic grin reflected back at me. The woman's wails continued on their crescendo the more damage I created. She called me a monster and I agreed in my heart with her. If I could have stopped, I would have, but I was now a puppet with little option but to comply.

"I'm not supposed to be seen!" I belted through clenched teeth each time my boot punched in to the piece of meat. The spray of blood drenched my skin and misted my skin in beads of red.

I lifted my hand and cracked the butt of the gun across the woman's face. She wailed in pain from the concussion. The sound of her eye socket shattering filled my ears with disgusting dread. The woman's cries grew quiet and I looked down at her; my head cocked out of curiosity to the deafening silence.

_Have I killed her, too?_

A swirling black fog blinded me. It was all encompassing and disorienting. I couldn't breathe through the choking smoke. I gasped as I was crushed by the weight of my own body. My vision dissipated into an impenetrable black and then nothing.

"Quarantine lifted. Tram systems now operational," the VI's emotionless voice chimed over the PA.

XXXXX

My eyes fluttered opened, the blur of red and starburst white clouded my vision. My head swayed side to side and I pushed up on to my hands. I felt fluid between my fingers viscous and cold my hand slipped and I was back on my back staring at the unreachable ceiling. My clothes were sopping wet with the red coagulating mess. I stood and looked around to get my bearings when my eyes fell on a sign. Medical. I shook my head. I had no recollection of what happened. Blood spatter and bodies were strewn across the platform. I heard the rattle of the tram heading in my direction. I turned with just enough time to see it whizzing by, sending a stale breeze to me.

I was half-overjoyed, half-dreading the fact they were going deeper into the ship.

I turned back towards the medical bay. I saw the woman from before unconscious but alive. Her face was covered in blood. I leaned over her to see what happened. I turned to see what had happened to her. She let out a soft moan and I stumbled back in fear. I knew I had to leave her; there wasn't much I could do for her. I shook my head and continued down the steely red hallway while brief flashes from the moments before blacking out told me a choppy tale of what had happened.

I ran down the corridor and headed into the bathroom. Shock crashed on top of me and I couldn't escape it. I started to tremble and a torrent of emotions released. My stomach ached. The pain that accompanied added to the feeling of losing control. I didn't want to lose it. I'd already lost so much and my fear was the last casualty would be some semblance of reality. I began to gag and choke as I sobbed. I felt I was beginning to come undone. I was tumbling down a spiral that I had no way of escaping. It was terror. My hacking turns to dry heaving as unbridled fervor gave way into a frothy bile induced emesis.

"Damn it!" I cried between each purge. I lurched into the sink spattering green gunk from my gut. My fingers searched for the knob with every ounce I had left to muster. "Give me something! Anything!"

Finally, a small trickle of water began to pour from the tap. My hands shook violently as I gathered it in my palms and splashed it on my face. In the flickering light I watched as the pink water swirled around the drain and disappeared, but it did nothing to wash away the dread I had from my past transgressions. I glimpsed my reflection in the mirror and looked at the sullen contours of my face. There had been no evidence of damage done, besides that large fresh blood stain and hole in my shoulder.

Carefully, I stripped out of jacket and dropped it to the floor. As I examined the deep wound the outside looked superficial. Without the right tools, however, I had no idea to what extent the trauma had been inflicted. My fingers pressed gently along the tear in my flesh. It was hot to the touch and the pain was indescribable. The soft glow of my pale skin in the mirror made me look almost dead. I splashed a second handful of water on my face to wake myself from the exhaustion that had begun to eat away at me.

I leaned on the sink and waited till I felt confident enough to continue on my mission.

"Drea," Chris' voice called from down the hall.

I followed it and placed my waning fiath in the spirit of a person I once knew. I looked in both directions when I saw him standing at the end of the hall. He was donned in his engineering gear ready for work. "Come on, Drea."

He motioned for me to follow. In the distance, I heard a low rumble. My eyes glanced up at the ceiling and circled around the corridor until I was focused on him again.

"What was that?" I asked.

"It's alright, Drea. You'll be alright," Chris replied.

He smiled at my nervousness and waved me to come closer. I didn't know whether or not I should, although I had realized he never answered my question. I was hesitant and he knew it. I didn't have the information readily available about the ships systems and where certain death was lying in wait.

"Are you sure?" I queried, unable to move from my spot.

He shook his head and started towards me. I could hear his footsteps on the deck as he closed the gap between us. He chuckled softly with a shake of his head and looked me in the eye.

"For all your brains, little one, you are still a child," he murmured with amusement.

"I have every right to be apprehensive," I argued. "How do I know you aren't going to kill me? What about her? She seems more than willing to march me into certain death."

His eyes filled with an untold sadness.

"I told you already. You are important," he glumly said.

He held his hand out for me to take, but all I could do was look at it questioningly. My eyes shot to him and back to his extended hand. I had to believe something and Chris – while alive – had never led me astray before. Slowly, I met his touch. His hand closes around mine gently as if not wanting to hurt me.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To Nicole's office. There's something I think you should see," he answered without skipping a beat.

I walked with him in silence. I didn't want to express my discourse with his idea, but if it was the only way to move forward – I had to take it.

XXXXX

We entered Nicole's office, where we parted ways. Chris led me to a nearby desk which he sat behind and pushed buttons on a computer and sighed.

"The power's out," I state.

"Just give it a second," he muttered as he pressed more buttons.

The screen flickered to life and cast a dim light into the darkened room.

"How…," I stammered

"I'm dead. Remember?" he scoffed. I looked at him, my heart sinking further into my gut. Of course I knew he was dead. It didn't make the reality of the situation any better. When I didn't reply he looked up at me and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," I grumbled as I took a cigarette out and tried to light it. "So what's this thing you wanted to show me?"

He scrolled through several lists of programs and stopped.

"This," he replied, his finger shot to the center of the screen.

I leaned over him and saw numerous logs between Nicole and a person named Isaac. I took a drag off my cigarette and shrugged. The revelation was not nearly as earth shattering as Chris had led me to believe.

"I already knew about him," I stated and expelled the smoke.

I walked around the desk and peered out the window. A small pack of necromorphs were wandering between the gurneys. At first glance, I should have feared them, but I did not. I stared out at them as they moved. One looked over at me, but kept moving as if my presence was inconsequential. I leaned closer to the glass as it disappeared from view. A second emerged from my peripheral and our eyes locked. In my head a new whispering began to overshadow the already incessant whispering that lingered.

"Chris?" I squeaked meekly."

The sounds of keys tapping on the console stopped and I turned to him. "Could you answer something for me?"

He stiffened slightly in the chair and cleared his throat.

"Shoot," he replied crossing his arms behind his head.

I hesitated. The question was there on the tip of my tongue, but maybe I didn't want to know the answer.

"Am I alive?"

He squinted at me; bemused by the question and chuckled softly.

"What kind of question is that?" he snickered.

"A serious one," I said coldly. "Am. I. Alive?"

His mouth started to open, but he paused and rose from the chair. He stood next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. The pain shot through my arm and caused me to suck in air in response. I instinctively grabbed it in agony and tried to keep the throb from entering my hand.

"You are very much alive," he finally said and returned to his work.

I continued to watch the creatures prowling outside and listened to the clacking of keys. It was after several minutes of ominous silence that an audible grunt escaped him. I came back to his side and looked the screen.

"What's this?" I asked. My eyes looked down a small list of names.

"It's the crew list of the people that were on that ship that crashed," he answered. He paused the scrolling frame and pointed excitedly. "Look at the name."

"So?" I spat, still not as amused as he was about it.

"It's her Isaac!" he exclaimed, nearly jumping out of his seat. "Do you know what this means?"

"Are you even sure this is the same guy? Isaac is a pretty common name," I muttered.

He stared at me and scowled in frustration.

"Yes, it's the same one," Nicole answered from across the room. She looked over Chris in disgust and then turned to me. "You're right, Chris. For all her intelligence: she really is just a child."

"So? What? I'm supposed to save your boyfriend?" I asked sarcastically.

Nicole nodded and disappeared before I could say anything about how ridiculous this whole thing was becoming. I turned back to Chris. He wasn't paying attention to the short lived conversation Nicole and I had partaken in. Instead, his eyes glazed over as he stared up at the ceiling.

"We should go," he announced urgently.

"Why?" I asked.

"He's coming," Chris answered in a barely audible tone.

We made our way to the door. The growls from necromorphs increased along with the abrupt stopping of boots hitting metal. We stopped and watched Isaac. The sporadic fire from the plasma cutter I'd left him lit up the room in miniscule bursts of illumination. All I could do was smile. I was thankful that he had survived as long as he had.

I hadn't realized I'd been staring staring at the action going on overhead until Chris grabbed my wrist and tugged me along.

" _Stay quiet,_ " Chris's voice whispered in my head.

I resisted; annoyed with being told what to do by him and not getting answers. He stopped and looked at me at a loss.

"Why are you helping me?" I mouthed.

"I'll answer you when we get out of here," he responded with a hard yank.

Two sets of screaming began to crush me. I stumbled around, becoming incoherent to what was going on around me. I looked to Chris, but he was gone and I realized that I am now standing in the middle of the med bay alone.

"Don't be seen!" Nicole's voice echoed like a reminder.

I watched - from beneath the catwalk – a small group of necromorphs charge Isaac. He didn't hesitate to fire on them. He fired one round after another and they dropped. Their heavy masses excreted darkened blood in pools that fall around me. He checked them to see if they were indeed dead and then he glanced at me. I hadn't moved, nor made a sound since I'd hid from him. I was sure he could see me, but there was barely any light from where I was. There had to be a reason why he was looking at me.

Before I could move out of his line of sight, another brood of fiends burst through the vent. He took off away from and around a corner and out of my sight. I heard the sounds of a fight on the other side of a room and made a run for it. I prayed that he would not turn around and backtrack too soon. I rode the lift back to the catwalks and sent it back down and sprinted towards the door. Just before I could make it to safety a blinding flash streaked in front of me and the sound of beam striking the railing beside me rang loudly.

_What the fuck? He's firing on me? He saw me?_

Another shot was squeezed off and I hear him trying to recover the ground he'd lost in chasing me. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

_Why the hell are you shooting at me?_

I made it to the door; my heart rang in my ears as I slammed the panel and dashed through. I made my way back to the fork that I'd seen Chris and continued. My calves throbbed but I couldn't stop. I didn't want him to follow. Chris and Nicole both said I couldn't be seen, but I was. He saw me.I looked over my shoulder to see if had in fact chased me down, but the coast was clear. When I turn back, Nicole was standing in the middle of the hallway.

I tried to stop before running head long into her. I was out of control and couldn't make it in time. Her hand shot up and grabbed me by the throat. Her nails dug into the sides as I struggled to breath. She lifted me off the ground and slammed me into the wall. Eyes, the same hideous black as before stared up at me. I kicked and struggled, her grasp tightened the more I fought.

"I told you not to be seen," she hissed.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered through gasping breaths. "He fired on me; if that's any consolation."

She glared at me. The anger reverberated into me and the shrieking static obliterated my senses. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. I was going numb from the inside out. She dropped me to floor and I crumple in a heap. My lungs screamed for air. Ragged breathing couldn't be caught and stilled into a normal pace.

"Get to security. They are trying to get into the systems," she ordered me. I nodded. The exhaustion from the constant running and stress was degrading my will to fight. I was submissive to her demands. Defeated. I sighed as I rose to my feet and started to leave. "Here." She slammed a small box into my chest. I look down at it and realize that it was the first aid kit I was supposed to get while in the med lab. My eyes shot back to her inquisitively. "You're just going to have to patch yourself up."

I headed back to the platform, my head hung low. The woman from before was still there, but now she is motionless. I knew she was dead. There was no movement. I apologized remorsefully and entered the tram. There was nothing more I could do here so I pressed the console to go to security. I had held out hope that whoever had survived with Isaac in the first hours hadn't completely worked over the system. I clutched the kit tightly against my chest and waited for the doors to open.

It wasn't a far walk from the platform and the eerie silence was welcome. The slight skittering in the walls didn't faze me now. I knew they were there but I casually continued on as if they hadn't existed. My shoulder throbbed and the blood loss seemed to increase.

I stopped at the door to the security office, hacked it and entered the brightly illuminated room. I collapsed in a nearby chair and sigh. Exhaustion, blissfully consistent closed in around me. I was so tired I didn't want to fight it anymore. My eyes grew heavy, vision blurring and distorting the surrounding monitors. The need for sleep overshadowed the deafening whispers and I was finally at peace.

"Just a nap," I mumbled to myself. "Just a nap."


	4. Reflections

"You could have had a job in the public sector; put your mind to some good use!" Dad yelled at me from across the table. He glanced at the letter I had received and scowled. "How could you go and do this?"

I looked up at him at a loss for words. I hadn't thought that I would get the kind of reaction I was receiving. I thought that he would be proud that I was following in his footsteps. I understood that I was their only child and his ideals weren't my own but the harshness I was drawing was disheartening. I couldn't look at him; the disappointing glares he gave hurt far more than I had expected.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I murmured. My eyes filled with tears. I can't help but feel overwhelmed and like a complete fool for even considering that he might understand. "Does Mom know?"

He frowned at me and shook his head.

"I don't have the heart to tell her," he muttered.

"It's not really that bad, is it?" I asked.

"I wanted you to have something better than going into deep space for months and not being able to settle down," he said as calmly as he could.

"You did it," I pointed out with a slight smile. "You left and went about your job. You love what you do. Why shouldn't I be able to?"

"I missed out on so much. I missed the things that a father should have been there for," he sulked. His hard exterior crumbled as he spoke. "You are brilliant; far more than your mother or I."

"So? I've wanted to do what you and mom did since I was a child. I wanted to see the stars; see things that I've only ever heard of," I snapped. I could feel myself becoming more defensive. "Do you think I took all of those engineering classes, quantum physics; hell even psychology just so I can diddle-fuck with the government?"

"You're twenty-one years old and already have four degrees under your belt." He paused and took a seat in a nearby chair. "I just wanted you to have a life. Start a family. Make something of yourself."

We grew silent. Neither of us knew whether to continue talking in circles or if we should just let it go till we were both more levelheaded. I had my father's temper and was just as stubborn when it came to the opinions of others. I was ready to apologize when my mother came in.

"What's with all the ruckus going on in here?" she questioned looking between my father and I.

It lit a fire in my father the likes I had never seen before. He jumped from the table and handed her the letter. She slowly read it and I could only watch with dismay as her facial expressions changed from confusion to concern. She looked up at me for a second and back down at the letter and sighed.

"Are you sure this is what you really want?" she asked.

Part of me wanted to tell her no; now that I knew how Dad responded. I think, deep down, she wanted me to say it as well.

"I do," I muttered with a slow nod.

She let out another sigh –heavier than the last – and placed the letter down beside her. Her fingers drummed on it as she looked me over. It was hard to be put on the spot while she mulled over certain scenarios in her head. I had felt in my own way I'd let them both down by applying.

"CEC is a good place for someone of your capabilities," she stated finally.

My father and I looked at her for our own reasons – his: frustration; mine: a sense of relief.

"You can't be serious!" he barked angrily. "She's not ready to make such a life altering decision."

"She's of age and well prepared for what is to come. I think she can handle it," she retorted.

"Handle it?" he repeated through clenched teeth. "She hasn't even moved out of the house and no you think she can handle year-long cruises? Just like that?"

"I do." Was all she replied with before walking over and hugging me. "Congratulations. You'll make a fine engineer," she whispered in my ear.

The sweet smell of apple blossom hit me and I felt as sad and secure as any child would in the arms of their mother.

That was two years ago.

I did go through a rough adjustment to deep space travel, but for what it was worth, I learned a lot about myself and others. Socially, I was awkward. More often than not I was one of the youngest people on the crew of many of the planet crackers I served aboard. Most had their own families back on Earth or Mars. Others were getting ready for retirement and the free time that they aspired for. All those that I served under saw me as a child amongst a sea of adults. I was too smart for most, but as naïve as any other person in my position.

Personally, I never had a relationship of any intimate nature. I could easily explain that away by three pieces of evidence. The first: I was an only child, hence they were overprotective. They were picky about the people I hung around. That was fair I could deal with that. I wasn't' the overly rebellious child, even when I was at my worst. I think the most audacious thing I did was dye my hair two colors and with overly conservative parents they frowned upon that for a while. Secondly, I was over intelligent. I finished high school at the age of twelve and most children within my age group found that intimidating. As much as the child psychologists at the schools I went to warned my parents that I would be socially immature, they took it as a tradeoff and pushed me to excel way above the norm. Finally, is probably the fact that I had no time for such things? I mean sure I was interested in boys and all that but to them I was nothing more than a brain child.

Even on my last stint in space before being assigned to the Ishimura, I knew that things were not going to be as they seemed I was always suspicious of the motives of people. I'd asked myself many times why we were going in to a prohibited system. Chris had been the first to tell me I was being paranoid and was probably the worst conspiracy theorists out there. Guess he'd be eating those words now, if he wasn't dead.

_Thanks, Chris. Way to be the hero and get yourself killed._

A part of me blames myself for what happened. If I had just listened and stayed with him he wouldn't have walked into that ambush and been completely ripped apart in a couple of swipes.

XXXXX

I watched the computer screen while lines of code scrolled up in repeating intervals. The incomplete ship's status reports told me everything I could know about the current condition of the Ishimura. There were definitely problems; big ones. The ship's orbit had begun to decay. Sensor readings were scant - probably due to the fact that most of them were damaged.

"Isaac, you need to get down to engineering and turn on the centrifuge," a man told my charge over video log.

Chris was right: It was easy enough to gain synchronization to their communications. Some of the onboard sensors still worked and I managed to implant a small virus into their systems to cover my tracks.

"I'll head over there now," Isaac answered back.

I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling. Things would have gone so much faster if they knew I was here. Maybe I could have helped. I wasn't doing much here - sitting behind a desk - surrounded by monitors.

"Anyone ever tell you: you look cute when you are frustrated?" Chris chortled. I tapped a couple of keys and tried to ignore him. There was nothing I needed to say to him. As much as he'd tried to help, he was becoming a burden; a liability to my safety. "What's wrong, Drea?" he asked as he knelt at my side.

I glanced over at him and continued typing. I checked the security feeds were I can get them – which wasn't much. I panned through the various sections of the chip. One person was on the bridge pressing on the overhead screen. I was pretty sure that was the person that Isaac was talking to, but I couldn't say for certain. I flipped to another feed and notice something moving in medical. The video is distorted and very grainy; I can't tell if it's a person or a necromorph.

"Is that…" I asked out loud. I was almost overcome with emotion at the shocking discovery. "I found you."

"Hmmm?" Chris muttered and glanced at the screen. He stared at it for a moment and sighed. "What's left of me anyway." He snorted his disapproval and continued to watch me work.

"It's my fault," I state glumly as I quickly flipped to another camera in the medical area. Another man was there. It wasn't someone I was familiar with, but he was alive. He looked up into the camera and a shiver ran down my spine.

"It's not your fault," Chris mumbled but also catches sight of the man on screen. "That's Dr. Mercer. One of the specialists."

We watched as he paced around the room and headed out a nearby door. I try to get to the next camera, but it's out. I have no idea where he was going, but he left in an awful hurry.

"He knows that Isaac is here," Chris responded as he spun me away from the monitors and looked me dead in the eye. "We need to talk."

"What about?" I asked.

He was never this chatty in life so the overabundance of banter we were having was completely unusual.

"Remember what I said earlier?" he queried.

"Which time? You've said a lot of things," I half-heartedly answered.

"That you were important? Ring a bell?" he scoffed.

"I don't have time for this, Chris," I snapped in exasperation and turn back to the screens. I clicked over to engineering and see Isaac. He was in the middle of a fight and I instantly grew rigid in my seat. "Damn it."

"He'll be alright," he assured me. I found little solace in his words. "He's handled himself this long."

"I don't know how he's managed this long," I grumbled.

Inside I was rooting for him. Outwardly, I wanted him to fail so that the Nicole would come back and finish the job.

"He's like you: important," Chris replied. He stood and began to leave the room.

"Chris? Why can't I be seen?" I asked my voice cracking.

He walked back to me smiled.

"It's too soon, Drea. You're not ready yet and neither is he," he answered and points to the screen. My attention is then drawn to what he's pointing at. Isaac was standing in the hall just before the centrifuge. It was the first time I'd seen him without his helmet on. Slowly, I examined him, studied every detail my eyes would allow for and in my utter sheepishness looked to Chris. He just beamed from ear to ear at my reaction. "Something interest you?"

"That's not funny," I growled. "What about Nicole?"

His smile faded abruptly. "Nicole…" He stopped and looked around the room. His whole demeanor changed. The lighthearted expression was replaced by one of panic. "She's got her own plans for him."

"That sounds ominous," I chuckled.

"It is and I'm not comfortable with it, to be honest with you," Chris acknowledged.

"So then this 'stay away from him' thing was your idea?" I questioned. I was becoming worried about both our safeties at this point.

"Yes and no. I can't go into the details right now, but you'll find out soon enough." Chris' voice trailed off and hurried away. He stopped at the door and his shoulders slumped. "I'm doing this to try and save you."

_Save me from what?_

The whispers came back and they were louder than they'd ever been since I first started hearing them. In the din of noise, I noticed a second underlying whisper. My eyes started to blur; my head felt like it had been hit with a sledgehammer. I fought to maintain focus but my equilibrium started to give way. Flashes of red danced before my eyes and unintelligible text filled my line of vision. I closed my eyes tight and fought the urge to pass out.

XXXXX

I opened my eyes slowly. The blinding lights from above burned and I groaned in pain. I couldn't explain what was going on with me, but Chris knew. I knew that he also wasn't at my beck and call and that I probably shouldn't be indulging what it was that kept bothering me. I looked at the monitor and small window blinked at me incessantly.

_Centrifuge Online._

It was the first bit of good news that I had received in hours. I stood and stretched the clenched muscles in my body. My boots felt like one tone weights as began to move around the room. Lockers lined the wall behind me. I hadn't done much exploring since I'd been here and resources being as minimal for me should have been my first thing to deal with. Taking stock of such things with everything going on had been the least of my problems. It wouldn't have mattered if I'd lost oxygen to this compartment of the ship. I swung one of the doors open and see the pieces of armor that resembled riot gear.

_Funny. I never thought they might need it._

I grabbed the uniform and threw it over the arm of a chair. My shoulder continued to bleed, but it was much slower than it would be if it wasn't for the bandage. I searched the closet-like room and prayed that Chris wouldn't decide to make an appearance while I was in the middle of changing. I slowly unlaced my boots and kicked them across the room. They tumbled along the floor and stopped at the door. Loud static emanated from behind me. I looked for it and found a small shower room with a single tap running.

"Well, I'll be damned," I grinned. It was a wonder I heard it at all.

I stripped out of most of my bloodied gear and step into the frigid water of the shower. I shivered but took the torment in stride if it meant ridding myself of the taint that was slathered on like a rotting salve. I closed my eyes, refusing to look down at the water turning a bright red. I ran my hands over my arms and up to my hair. The caked mess had a thick film from the coagulated mess.

I didn't linger long and hurried out of the shower. Dripping wet and quaking in the cold, I grabbed the new set of gear and made my way to the long mirror across the room. My top, once white was a bright pink and clung to my thin frame. I hurried and dressed in the oversized uniform and looked myself over briefly. I looked like hell. I was paler than the last time I'd checked; dark circles surrounded deep hazel eyes and the wound had begun to create streaks of red that laced under my skin.

I returned to the computer in disgust and see another message blinking feverishly: _Fuel reserves back online._

I quickly scrolled through the intermittent security feeds and find him. He was standing at the door to the engine room. He was out of breath and panting.

"I wonder what Chris has in store for us," I muttered in a mocking tone at the screen.

As soon as I finished my sentence, Isaac turned around and looked directly at the camera. His head cocked inquisitively. My heart sped up in fear, but he just as quickly shook his head and entered the next room. I tried to get cameras in there, but there was nothing. I was in the dark and I had no idea what was going on behind the heavy doors.

I slammed my hands on the desk in frustration and paced around the room like a rabid animal. I felt so helpless. I checked the clock on the wall and back at the screen in anguish. It felt like an eternity, the unknowing, the throb in my chest wouldn't subside. My eyes shot to the door and I was ready to make a decision on whether to go and get him. A blip on the screen catches my attention.

_Engines activated._

I sighed in exasperation by the amount of stress that he was putting me under. I leaned closer to the screen and urge him to hurry up just so I know he's okay. As if my words compelled him to comply he emerged, covered in blood. I couldn't tell if it's his or if it was that of his foes that seemed to be following him at every turn.

"Isaac, I need you to come up to the bridge…" the man from before called.

"I'll be there in a few, Hammond. I'm on my way back now," Isaac replied.

His voice was unusually calm for whatever encounter he'd faced just moments before. He walked out of the camera's line of sight and I threw my head back in despair. I feverishly clicked from dead camera to dead camera and see him getting on the tram.

I linked to the camera inside and watch him lean against the wall.

"Where are you, Nicole?" he asked out loud.

I'm more shocked, personally, that I was actually getting audio. It's full of static, but just audible enough to understand what was being said. My heart sank. I didn't know why; it just did. I knew he was here for Nicole; the pieces came together just that easily.

"Sucks to be you, then," I growled defensively.

He looked around and stopped. I heard the tram pass on its way to the bridge. The throbbing in my skull decreased for a couple of minutes and a sense of clarity calmed my already shattered nerves. Within seconds, I was back to the full pain that I had come to accept. I rubbed my eyes and waited for them to readjust.

"How are you feeling?" Chris asked from over my shoulder.

I jumped out of my seat and turned on him ready to strike.

"Why the fuck do you do that?" I screamed.

He laughed hysterically and came to an abruptly stop. The seriousness that his visage held made me sit. I lit a cigarette and awaited whatever news he had come to offer me.

"You just seem calm, that's all," he stated. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I rolled my eyes and took a drag off my cigarette.

"You sure seem to enjoy it."

"I don't enjoy any of this," Chris barked. "I just need you to make us…"

"Whole? Yeah, I got that," I interrupted as I flicked my ash. "For fuck's sake quit saying it."

"Alright. It's probably being repeated enough in your head anyways," he smirked.

"Nope, just a jumbled bunch of shit," I remarked, rubbing the ache from my temples.

"Nicole's been toying with him," Chris snorted.

"Really? He came all this way to get her," I replied sadly.

"I know that. She's not the most helpful person," he said.

"Unlike you, I guess?" I jabbed. I furrowed my eyebrows at him playfully.

"Ouch. I'm hurt," he scoffed sarcastically.

"Look, Chris. You are just in my head. I don't know how much help you actually can be," I snapped.

I was fed up with the mind game. Tired of the hoops I had to jump through and for what? Protection?

"I am so much more," he choked out.

The softness that he had turned rock hard, and those fear-inducing eyes stared down at me with cold indignation. I shuttered as he sized me up.

"Don't do anything rash! You're not Nicole," I yelped.

" _I'm_ trying to keep you safe. _I'm_ trying to save your life. _I'm_ trying to help you!" he screamed. "I did doing all of those things and this is what you have to say about it?"

"Please, Chris," I pleaded. I touched his arm and looked him in his eyes. "I know you did all that. I would have laid my life down for you if the roles were reversed. I just…" I scoffed at the thought of continuing. "You were the only friend I had made here and like that you were snatched away. How do you expect me to deal with that now? I fucked up. I should have listed to you. Not gone home. Not tried to reach my parents. I was selfish. I should be dead now. Not you."

"Don't say that," Chris snarled. "You're perfect, pure, untainted by man and their desires. You are everything. Isaac might be important for Nicole's cause, but you are everything to everyone involved."

"Way to put everything on my shoulders."

I wanted to defuse the situation, but tensions were running high for both of us.

His arm snaked around my waist and pulled me close. The scent of his after shave was just as pungent as hours before. He placed his head on my shoulder and shuddered. His breath was hot and moist on my neck.

"If it had been any other time, in any other place: I would have made my move," he smirked with a sigh. "I should have done it sooner."

"Chris," I murmured through burning tears.

"No, no, you are too important to be used as some pleasurable experience. It's not for me to take," he sulked as he released me from his grasp. "You won't have to stay here too much longer. Trust me."

I nodded and without a word he disappeared. I flopped back in the chair and sobbed. Why was he telling me these things? His own remorse was tied to "ifs" and "could have beens." I shook the thoughts from my mind. I had to let those go otherwise I'd be bound to the same ideas that he was.


	5. Reflections

"You could have had a job in the public sector; put your mind to some good use!" Dad yelled at me from across the table. He glanced at the letter I had received and scowled. "How could you go and do this?"

I looked up at him at a loss for words. I hadn't thought that I would get the kind of reaction I was receiving. I thought that he would be proud that I was following in his footsteps. I understood that I was their only child and his ideals weren't my own but the harshness I was drawing was disheartening. I couldn't look at him; the disappointing glares he gave hurt far more than I had expected.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I murmured. My eyes filled with tears. I can't help but feel overwhelmed and like a complete fool for even considering that he might understand. "Does Mom know?"

He frowned at me and shook his head.

"I don't have the heart to tell her," he muttered.

"It's not really that bad, is it?" I asked.

"I wanted you to have something better than going into deep space for months and not being able to settle down," he said as calmly as he could.

"You did it," I pointed out with a slight smile. "You left and went about your job. You love what you do. Why shouldn't I be able to?"

"I missed out on so much. I missed the things that a father should have been there for," he sulked. His hard exterior crumbled as he spoke. "You are brilliant; far more than your mother or I."

"So? I've wanted to do what you and mom did since I was a child. I wanted to see the stars; see things that I've only ever heard of," I snapped. I could feel myself becoming more defensive. "Do you think I took all of those engineering classes, quantum physics; hell even psychology just so I can diddle-fuck with the government?"

"You're twenty-one years old and already have four degrees under your belt." He paused and took a seat in a nearby chair. "I just wanted you to have a life. Start a family. Make something of yourself."

We grew silent. Neither of us knew whether to continue talking in circles or if we should just let it go till we were both more levelheaded. I had my father's temper and was just as stubborn when it came to the opinions of others. I was ready to apologize when my mother came in.

"What's with all the ruckus going on in here?" she questioned looking between my father and I.

It lit a fire in my father the likes I had never seen before. He jumped from the table and handed her the letter. She slowly read it and I could only watch with dismay as her facial expressions changed from confusion to concern. She looked up at me for a second and back down at the letter and sighed.

"Are you sure this is what you really want?" she asked.

Part of me wanted to tell her no; now that I knew how Dad responded. I think, deep down, she wanted me to say it as well.

"I do," I muttered with a slow nod.

She let out another sigh –heavier than the last – and placed the letter down beside her. Her fingers drummed on it as she looked me over. It was hard to be put on the spot while she mulled over certain scenarios in her head. I had felt in my own way I'd let them both down by applying.

"CEC is a good place for someone of your capabilities," she stated finally.

My father and I looked at her for our own reasons – his: frustration; mine: a sense of relief.

"You can't be serious!" he barked angrily. "She's not ready to make such a life altering decision."

"She's of age and well prepared for what is to come. I think she can handle it," she retorted.

"Handle it?" he repeated through clenched teeth. "She hasn't even moved out of the house and no you think she can handle year-long cruises? Just like that?"

"I do." Was all she replied with before walking over and hugging me. "Congratulations. You'll make a fine engineer," she whispered in my ear.

The sweet smell of apple blossom hit me and I felt as sad and secure as any child would in the arms of their mother.

That was two years ago.

I did go through a rough adjustment to deep space travel, but for what it was worth, I learned a lot about myself and others. Socially, I was awkward. More often than not I was one of the youngest people on the crew of many of the planet crackers I served aboard. Most had their own families back on Earth or Mars. Others were getting ready for retirement and the free time that they aspired for. All those that I served under saw me as a child amongst a sea of adults. I was too smart for most, but as naïve as any other person in my position.

Personally, I never had a relationship of any intimate nature. I could easily explain that away by three pieces of evidence. The first: I was an only child, hence they were overprotective. They were picky about the people I hung around. That was fair I could deal with that. I wasn't' the overly rebellious child, even when I was at my worst. I think the most audacious thing I did was dye my hair two colors and with overly conservative parents they frowned upon that for a while. Secondly, I was over intelligent. I finished high school at the age of twelve and most children within my age group found that intimidating. As much as the child psychologists at the schools I went to warned my parents that I would be socially immature, they took it as a tradeoff and pushed me to excel way above the norm. Finally, is probably the fact that I had no time for such things? I mean sure I was interested in boys and all that but to them I was nothing more than a brain child.

Even on my last stint in space before being assigned to the Ishimura, I knew that things were not going to be as they seemed I was always suspicious of the motives of people. I'd asked myself many times why we were going in to a prohibited system. Chris had been the first to tell me I was being paranoid and was probably the worst conspiracy theorists out there. Guess he'd be eating those words now, if he wasn't dead.

_Thanks, Chris. Way to be the hero and get yourself killed._

A part of me blames myself for what happened. If I had just listened and stayed with him he wouldn't have walked into that ambush and been completely ripped apart in a couple of swipes.

XXXXX

I watched the computer screen while lines of code scrolled up in repeating intervals. The incomplete ship's status reports told me everything I could know about the current condition of the Ishimura. There were definitely problems; big ones. The ship's orbit had begun to decay. Sensor readings were scant - probably due to the fact that most of them were damaged.

"Isaac, you need to get down to engineering and turn on the centrifuge," a man told my charge over video log.

Chris was right: It was easy enough to gain synchronization to their communications. Some of the onboard sensors still worked and I managed to implant a small virus into their systems to cover my tracks.

"I'll head over there now," Isaac answered back.

I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling. Things would have gone so much faster if they knew I was here. Maybe I could have helped. I wasn't doing much here - sitting behind a desk - surrounded by monitors.

"Anyone ever tell you: you look cute when you are frustrated?" Chris chortled. I tapped a couple of keys and tried to ignore him. There was nothing I needed to say to him. As much as he'd tried to help, he was becoming a burden; a liability to my safety. "What's wrong, Drea?" he asked as he knelt at my side.

I glanced over at him and continued typing. I checked the security feeds were I can get them – which wasn't much. I panned through the various sections of the chip. One person was on the bridge pressing on the overhead screen. I was pretty sure that was the person that Isaac was talking to, but I couldn't say for certain. I flipped to another feed and notice something moving in medical. The video is distorted and very grainy; I can't tell if it's a person or a necromorph.

"Is that…" I asked out loud. I was almost overcome with emotion at the shocking discovery. "I found you."

"Hmmm?" Chris muttered and glanced at the screen. He stared at it for a moment and sighed. "What's left of me anyway." He snorted his disapproval and continued to watch me work.

"It's my fault," I state glumly as I quickly flipped to another camera in the medical area. Another man was there. It wasn't someone I was familiar with, but he was alive. He looked up into the camera and a shiver ran down my spine.

"It's not your fault," Chris mumbled but also catches sight of the man on screen. "That's Dr. Mercer. One of the specialists."

We watched as he paced around the room and headed out a nearby door. I try to get to the next camera, but it's out. I have no idea where he was going, but he left in an awful hurry.

"He knows that Isaac is here," Chris responded as he spun me away from the monitors and looked me dead in the eye. "We need to talk."

"What about?" I asked.

He was never this chatty in life so the overabundance of banter we were having was completely unusual.

"Remember what I said earlier?" he queried.

"Which time? You've said a lot of things," I half-heartedly answered.

"That you were important? Ring a bell?" he scoffed.

"I don't have time for this, Chris," I snapped in exasperation and turn back to the screens. I clicked over to engineering and see Isaac. He was in the middle of a fight and I instantly grew rigid in my seat. "Damn it."

"He'll be alright," he assured me. I found little solace in his words. "He's handled himself this long."

"I don't know how he's managed this long," I grumbled.

Inside I was rooting for him. Outwardly, I wanted him to fail so that the Nicole would come back and finish the job.

"He's like you: important," Chris replied. He stood and began to leave the room.

"Chris? Why can't I be seen?" I asked my voice cracking.

He walked back to me smiled.

"It's too soon, Drea. You're not ready yet and neither is he," he answered and points to the screen. My attention is then drawn to what he's pointing at. Isaac was standing in the hall just before the centrifuge. It was the first time I'd seen him without his helmet on. Slowly, I examined him, studied every detail my eyes would allow for and in my utter sheepishness looked to Chris. He just beamed from ear to ear at my reaction. "Something interest you?"

"That's not funny," I growled. "What about Nicole?"

His smile faded abruptly. "Nicole…" He stopped and looked around the room. His whole demeanor changed. The lighthearted expression was replaced by one of panic. "She's got her own plans for him."

"That sounds ominous," I chuckled.

"It is and I'm not comfortable with it, to be honest with you," Chris acknowledged.

"So then this 'stay away from him' thing was your idea?" I questioned. I was becoming worried about both our safeties at this point.

"Yes and no. I can't go into the details right now, but you'll find out soon enough." Chris' voice trailed off and hurried away. He stopped at the door and his shoulders slumped. "I'm doing this to try and save you."

_Save me from what?_

The whispers came back and they were louder than they'd ever been since I first started hearing them. In the din of noise, I noticed a second underlying whisper. My eyes started to blur; my head felt like it had been hit with a sledgehammer. I fought to maintain focus but my equilibrium started to give way. Flashes of red danced before my eyes and unintelligible text filled my line of vision. I closed my eyes tight and fought the urge to pass out.

XXXXX

I opened my eyes slowly. The blinding lights from above burned and I groaned in pain. I couldn't explain what was going on with me, but Chris knew. I knew that he also wasn't at my beck and call and that I probably shouldn't be indulging what it was that kept bothering me. I looked at the monitor and small window blinked at me incessantly.

_Centrifuge Online._

It was the first bit of good news that I had received in hours. I stood and stretched the clenched muscles in my body. My boots felt like one tone weights as began to move around the room. Lockers lined the wall behind me. I hadn't done much exploring since I'd been here and resources being as minimal for me should have been my first thing to deal with. Taking stock of such things with everything going on had been the least of my problems. It wouldn't have mattered if I'd lost oxygen to this compartment of the ship. I swung one of the doors open and see the pieces of armor that resembled riot gear.

Funny. I never thought they might need it.

I grabbed the uniform and threw it over the arm of a chair. My shoulder continued to bleed, but it was much slower than it would be if it wasn't for the bandage. I searched the closet-like room and prayed that Chris wouldn't decide to make an appearance while I was in the middle of changing. I slowly unlaced my boots and kicked them across the room. They tumbled along the floor and stopped at the door. Loud static emanated from behind me. I looked for it and found a small shower room with a single tap running.

"Well, I'll be damned," I grinned. It was a wonder I heard it at all.

I stripped out of most of my bloodied gear and step into the frigid water of the shower. I shivered but took the torment in stride if it meant ridding myself of the taint that was slathered on like a rotting salve. I closed my eyes, refusing to look down at the water turning a bright red. I ran my hands over my arms and up to my hair. The caked mess had a thick film from the coagulated mess.

I didn't linger long and hurried out of the shower. Dripping wet and quaking in the cold, I grabbed the new set of gear and made my way to the long mirror across the room. My top, once white was a bright pink and clung to my thin frame. I hurried and dressed in the oversized uniform and looked myself over briefly. I looked like hell. I was paler than the last time I'd checked; dark circles surrounded deep hazel eyes and the wound had begun to create streaks of red that laced under my skin.

I returned to the computer in disgust and see another message blinking feverishly: _Fuel reserves back online._

I quickly scrolled through the intermittent security feeds and find him. He was standing at the door to the engine room. He was out of breath and panting.

"I wonder what Chris has in store for us," I muttered in a mocking tone at the screen.

As soon as I finished my sentence, Isaac turned around and looked directly at the camera. His head cocked inquisitively. My heart sped up in fear, but he just as quickly shook his head and entered the next room. I tried to get cameras in there, but there was nothing. I was in the dark and I had no idea what was going on behind the heavy doors.

I slammed my hands on the desk in frustration and paced around the room like a rabid animal. I felt so helpless. I checked the clock on the wall and back at the screen in anguish. It felt like an eternity, the unknowing, the throb in my chest wouldn't subside. My eyes shot to the door and I was ready to make a decision on whether to go and get him. A blip on the screen catches my attention.

_Engines activated._

I sighed in exasperation by the amount of stress that he was putting me under. I leaned closer to the screen and urge him to hurry up just so I know he's okay. As if my words compelled him to comply he emerged, covered in blood. I couldn't tell if it's his or if it was that of his foes that seemed to be following him at every turn.

"Isaac, I need you to come up to the bridge…" the man from before called.

"I'll be there in a few, Hammond. I'm on my way back now," Isaac replied.

His voice was unusually calm for whatever encounter he'd faced just moments before. He walked out of the camera's line of sight and I threw my head back in despair. I feverishly clicked from dead camera to dead camera and see him getting on the tram.

I linked to the camera inside and watch him lean against the wall.

"Where are you, Nicole?" he asked out loud.

I'm more shocked, personally, that I was actually getting audio. It's full of static, but just audible enough to understand what was being said. My heart sank. I didn't know why; it just did. I knew he was here for Nicole; the pieces came together just that easily.

"Sucks to be you, then," I growled defensively.

He looked around and stopped. I heard the tram pass on its way to the bridge. The throbbing in my skull decreased for a couple of minutes and a sense of clarity calmed my already shattered nerves. Within seconds, I was back to the full pain that I had come to accept. I rubbed my eyes and waited for them to readjust.

"How are you feeling?" Chris asked from over my shoulder.

I jumped out of my seat and turned on him ready to strike.

"Why the fuck do you do that?" I screamed.

He laughed hysterically and came to an abruptly stop. The seriousness that his visage held made me sit. I lit a cigarette and awaited whatever news he had come to offer me.

"You just seem calm, that's all," he stated. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I rolled my eyes and took a drag off my cigarette.

"You sure seem to enjoy it."

"I don't enjoy any of this," Chris barked. "I just need you to make us…"

"Whole? Yeah, I got that," I interrupted as I flicked my ash. "For fuck's sake quit saying it."

"Alright. It's probably being repeated enough in your head anyways," he smirked.

"Nope, just a jumbled bunch of shit," I remarked, rubbing the ache from my temples.

"Nicole's been toying with him," Chris snorted.

"Really? He came all this way to get her," I replied sadly.

"I know that. She's not the most helpful person," he said.

"Unlike you, I guess?" I jabbed. I furrowed my eyebrows at him playfully.

"Ouch. I'm hurt," he scoffed sarcastically.

"Look, Chris. You are just in my head. I don't know how much help you actually can be," I snapped.

I was fed up with the mind game. Tired of the hoops I had to jump through and for what? Protection?

"I am so much more," he choked out.

The softness that he had turned rock hard, and those fear-inducing eyes stared down at me with cold indignation. I shuttered as he sized me up.

"Don't do anything rash! You're not Nicole," I yelped.

" _I'm_ trying to keep you safe. _I'm_ trying to save your life. _I'm_ trying to help you!" he screamed. "I did doing all of those things and this is what you have to say about it?"

"Please, Chris," I pleaded. I touched his arm and looked him in his eyes. "I know you did all that. I would have laid my life down for you if the roles were reversed. I just…" I scoffed at the thought of continuing. "You were the only friend I had made here and like that you were snatched away. How do you expect me to deal with that now? _I_ fucked up. _I_ should have listened to you. Not gone home. Not tried to reach my parents. _I_ was selfish. _I_ should be dead now. Not you."

"Don't say that," Chris snarled. "You're perfect, pure, untainted by man and their desires. You are everything. Isaac might be important for Nicole's cause, but you are everything to everyone involved."

"Way to put everything on my shoulders."

I wanted to defuse the situation, but tensions were running high for both of us.

His arm snaked around my waist and pulled me close. The scent of his after shave was just as pungent as hours before. He placed his head on my shoulder and shuddered. His breath was hot and moist on my neck.

"If it had been any other time, in any other place: I would have made my move," he smirked with a sigh. "I should have done it sooner."

"Chris," I murmured through burning tears.

"No, no, you are too important to be used as some pleasurable experience. It's not for me to take," he sulked as he released me from his grasp. "You won't have to stay here too much longer. Trust me."

I nodded and without a word he disappeared. I flopped back in the chair and sobbed. Why was he telling me these things? His own remorse was tied to "ifs" and "could have beens." I shook the thoughts from my mind. I had to let those go otherwise I'd be bound to the same ideas that he was.


End file.
